21:14:47

When getting on a dating site most of us are thinking of starting a real relationship, one were there is an actual exchange of care, feelings, and emotional support from another. After being on a date site a few weeks, your view and concept starts to change. If you are like me, you will start wondering just what sort of relationship it is that you are looking for because you will start seeing all other peoples views of what that means – and it very well isn’t the same view as yours. So lets take a look at the many variables that one can have and still call it a ‘relationship’.

Talk/email – some are only interested in this sort of relationship. Not really interested in personal human contact as in physically meeting someone, but still wanting contact with someone other than their self.

These types of relationships are many times carried on with others that are married or in a relationship. They flirt with the thought of another, just not taking that step that goes to physical. Some will admit that they are married/in a relationship – some will not. Really not a bad thing to have. Downside is when it gets to talking about cybersex and such (for me anyway) and the choice is your if that is something that you personally would like to engage in. My point of view is simple – if I am hungry I don’t go through cookbooks looking at things that are only going to make me more hungry – same approach that I take to cybersex. Again, what doesn’t work for me very well may for you – a personal choice.

It can be through just emails, but many also use chat programs. Many set it up to be online at certain times to have such a relationship.

A footnote to the above – there are some people that have disabilities and they are home bound and the internet is a doorway to the outside world. I have some that I write to from dating sites that are in this sort of situation. Nice men, very polite, just that life has dealt them a hand where getting out is not possible. I am thinking of two men in particular – one that was burned in a plant explosion, the other no longer able to walk and has problems getting around just inside his home with a walker.

Friends - Some sites have a listing just for ‘friends’. Many times it is people that are new to an area and while they would LIKE to date – would like to at least get to know you in a more relaxed approach than meeting for a possible date situation. Not a bad approach at all and you actually might meet someone that really will end up as a friend. Usually involves going out to places where one doesn’t want to go alone – concert, beach, eat, name a place that you don’t want to go alone and there is your example.

Dating – Many are not really looking for a permanent relationship but also don’t want to be sitting home alone every night. Some are not adverse to the thought of a more serious relationship, but not open to the thought. You won’t know unless you ASK. If you decide to go out with someone that has this as their choice and your looking for a more serious relationship – might not work out. So ASK because some are just gun shy because of a bad past experience and really are wanting to take things slowly before they consider the possibility of serious.

Intimate encounter – We all know (or should) what this means. Someone is looking for a purely physical relationship with another person. It is meeting up to shack up for a few hours usually and move on to the rest of your day sort of approach. Not important that there be a meeting of the minds – just meeting of the bodies. Usually based on totally physical dis/likes if such an arrangement is going to happen. This is one of those that really doesn’t take all that much to grasp what the other person is after. Not rocket science. A personal choice of the individual.

Serious relationship – Depending upon the person this actually now days has several meanings. For some that means marriage while others are not looking for the paper but are looking for the commitment to a relationship that is long term and heart felt. Years ago it was thought that this is the type of thing that everyone was looking for with another person. Such is not the case any longer as you can guess from the choices listed above.

For some, the first meeting can make or break the possibility of such a relationship. For others, they look at it as something that they want to go out several times before making up their mind. Usually lots of emailing going on, phone calls, and yes – even actually going out with them.

Those are the basic choices that you are going to find on sites. You have been on the site a few weeks maybe – and starting to reconsider what it is that you really are looking for – many times actually getting more insight into just what you DON’T want. Stay focused though on what it is that you DO want. Store the negative points that you have learned of – learn from them so that you can spot it easier – but stay on the positive.

I have a reason for writing what I have above. I share it in the hopes that it might help someone. I learned a few years ago that when they are training people to be able to spot a counterfeit bill that they do not spend time at all looking at the fakes at all. Instead, they spend their time looking at and learning everything they can about what is on a ‘good’ bill – all the details about it.

I have thought about that approach through out the years and have come to the conclusion that there is something to that approach that needs to be adapted to – well, at least my own life. Don’t get bogged down in the negatives. Look for the positives. That doesn’t mean that you turn a blind eye to the things that are ‘red flags’ in a person – in fact the opposite. Because you are so focused upon traits that you are looking for in another person, you just spot the negative, what is not suppose to be there easier – no different than the one that examines the currency. I have to say that the approach has brought positives in my life.

ALL the above – again making the common sense statement that just because someone has something on their profile doesn’t mean that they are exactly as they have written – NONE of us are. If you have an uneasy feeling about someone or something – step back. Keep things PUBLIC till you are secure. Even then, it is not a bad thought to let others know who you are seeing and the times that you are seeing them.

Remember to always think. If in doubt, check it out.