From a woman’s point of view . . .

All of us love to think that we know who and what we are as a person. It is what gives us that security net in our life that we lean on. But when one starts on the online dating, we are brought face to face with just how little that we do know about our own self, who we are.

First thing that we are confronted with when going to the site is the choice of a user name. Knowing that others are going to see that choice and possibly judge you on that choice it becomes somewhat of a challenge. One doesn’t want to give the wrong impression with the choice. Don’t want it to be too cutesy so as to drive out those that have the amount of seriousness that we want in a prospective date/partner/dare I write marriage partner, but not so serious sounding that we drive away those that still have some FUN left in their body. So – we pick that name – usually regret it later on – but can’t change it now……

Then it is onto the profile. Basic information first. Do we smoke – do we really want to tell others that? Our religious belief – and if we really want others to know that? Do we have a car – what about those that don’t have a car but instead have a truck/motorcycle? How tall are we – as if that matters – and clearly it does to SOME. Birthday – OUCH! For women, we KNOW that many men are looking for that ‘YOUNG THANG’ – this is sure going to narrow the field! Area we live in – sort of a nervous thing here cause if we live in a small town, not hard to track a person down – big town MUCH safer to list. But not to be frazzled yet, it gets WORSE…..

As a footnote – I found out by accident that I LIED on my profile when telling my height. I am SHORT. I RESENT being SHORT. I THOUGHT that I was 5’3” and have told others that for years. Went to the doctor last week and found out that I am 5’1 ½” – thus thinking I shrank. Seems that I have not shrank – just didn’t want to admit to the reality of my height – since my doctor told me that I have been that height ever since I first started seeing her years ago. I have indeed altered my profile and list my height as 5’2” since they don’t have ½ inches listed and my resentment issues about my height.

What to write about ‘us’ that we are willing to allow the world to see – because frankly, no one in their right mind is going to put in their profile that they hate doing dishes, mowing the lawn, bite our nails and thus have to have fake ones instead, our hair is thinning more than we want to admit, and if we don’t color it on a regular basis the color we say it is – it isn’t. They say to list our hobbies – but don’t make the mistake of listing being a ‘smartass’ (even though we very well are at times) because that sure isn’t something that others want to have – or so we think.

Now is when the backspacing and clearing of everything written comes into play. CAN’T make up our mind on the correct wording. – and GOD FORBID if you make a mistake in spelling for some will indeed count against you for such – even mention it in the emails that they will send you through the dating site. So 30 minutes into it – you pretty well give up and move on to the next thing – what you think would be a ‘GOOD DATE’.

Now, you have to be careful about what you list as a good date. Say ‘OPERA’ – over 90% of the men are not going to be interested in such – though I WILL ADMIT, I have INDEED gone out with one man that liked and made the choice of date to see an OPERA. So this one – play it by ear and make your own choice. Some men will see it as those are the times that he isn’t going to be able to go out with you because you went to see such and they will in turn go fishing, sports game, or whatever else they like to do – that is if they are ONLY dating you. If NOT – they very well will be going out with someone else that night.

Personally, I am comfortable with such – what will be, will be and no need to worry about it since it will happen anyway.

So you are listing the things that you like to do. You know that you have to list at least SOMETHING that the other person might actually like to do together. So you wrack your mind trying to think of SOMETHING that is ‘popular’ or if your lucky – you actually really MIGHT like to do something that they will like to do.

I went with HONEST on this since I was a tomboy when I was younger and have no problems with sports, riding motorcycles, camping – the outdoor thing.

THEN – the WORSE PART comes up – the PHOTO. Anyone that is single knows that having current photos of yourself is next to impossible – and one HATES to POSE for them because you look stilted and fake in them. Those professional photos – everyone knows that they are touched up. At my age, I know that gravity has had an effect. Know that I am not as I was when I was in my 20’s – none of us are. MATURITY has taken over – many times not so kindly. Just don’t make the mistake of picking a photo that looks NOWHERE CLOSE to how you look now. They are going to KNOW you did that if and when you meet them the first time. So – you settle on the lesser of evils in photos – and hope for the best. You finally click the “SAVE’ and after doing a quick review and start wondering who is this person that you just made this profile for since it is hard to see it as our own self. We start waiting with baited breath for the first email.

By NOW – you are starting to feel like that meat that is on sale at the market looking to draw in the customers to pick up on the deal. Your not far off.

I only RECENTLY started getting hits on my profile after making a change in the main photo – with my LEGS being the focus. Men are visual creatures. Truth is that one is going to see more of me on the BEACH than in that photo – but men have to be drawn to the point of CONVERSATION, which is what women are more focused on. You want to get your foot into the cyberspace world of dating – but you also don’t want to give the wrong impression either – unless you really DO want to give that impression. The choice – YOURS. Be prepared to live with that choice – until you decide to change your profile again that is.

THEN you are onto actually possibly getting to the point of meeting one of these people from online. More on that one later.